You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
