If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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