She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I am one with the molecules
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
