i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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