If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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