His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
