he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
