in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
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He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
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It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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