pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
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