does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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