sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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