i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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