dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
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i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
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sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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