oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
