Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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