My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
time to smoke my breakfast
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
