Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Four minutes until I can fart!
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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