The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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