ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
