he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
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