No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
