Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize
