Only a mothe r could love this liver
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
