I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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