I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
