besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
