Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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