I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
