do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
