she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Swine flu is the new snow day.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize