How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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