yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
i think im in europe. pls send help
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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