She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
