So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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