I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
