I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
