Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
