never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
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