This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
