Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Randomize
