ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
