No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize