Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize