so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
