Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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