Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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