so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
