This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
