im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
