There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
