I just pynch a tree in the face
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
