and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
