Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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