I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
