i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Drunk is not a location!
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
