I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
