is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
