If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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