matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
