Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
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