The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
