Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
