This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
