Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
