thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
