I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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