Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
