last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
