Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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