2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize