girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
operation have a gay friend backfired
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
