Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I've blown a few things in my day
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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