omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
me + whiskey = a bad person
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
