We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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