I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
