Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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