I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
