I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
