Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
