Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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