I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
