somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
